I Vow to Treat My Mama Like I Treat ‘Wet Blanket’

How’s this for a visual? I was busily getting dressed for Belmont Day at Canterbury in a Len Druskin lace dress.  I had to leave for work in 5 minutes and Dr. McStruggles with the side zipper. The thing just did not want to go. Give it 10 more minutes and my mother was holding the zipper shut and my father was clasping it with a pliers.  I was in an outrage; screaming, squirming, cursing my large boobs.

And my poor family. I woke them from a Sunday slumber begging for help.  They obediently rose, and confided in the tool box to help me get dressed. After intensely helping their whining child attempt to get dressed – I kicked them out of my room in a fury.  I was mostly angry about my boobs and how exceedingly large they were. So large in fact, I couldn’t even zip my own clothes on.   I got what I deserved in the end. My $90 vintage dress completely tore in the zipper after trying to pull it over my head. I was a complete mess over the incident, and smeared my mascara.

Now, before you go on thinking I am a snot-nosed-brat-kid (because I clearly proved it by my last episode) I wanted to make a point from this story, but focusing more on my parent’s. Think about it, they got up from bed to help Little Miss BuzzKill dress herself. I took my boob-infested anger out on them and probably ruined their entire morning.

Say I was back in more dorm room in college, having the same issue with my dress. But my roommates would be the only ones there to help me. I know immediately I would not treat them the way I had my parents and although I love my roommates, I love my parents 10 times more. So, why do I treat them (family) that way-when I would blatantly refuse to treat my mere friends that way?

I have a fabulous relationship with my mom.  She is my best friend (but not the kind of best friend that will shoot back jag bombs with me at the local dive bar, thank God). She’s chic, wise and super classy.  She doesn’t wear Merona mom pants, but she doesn’t wear mid-drift shirts. She’s not a nag, but she genuinely cares. She gives great advice, but she’s not a drill sergeant. She’s absolutely timeless, like a black dress. I want to be everything she is and she makes it look effortless.  Sorry about writing a Hallmark card paragraph – it’s just easy to do when talking about the Mama.

Before I get to point, let me bring in another character to the story (and I promise this one won’t be a Hallmark story). We will call him ‘Wet Blanket’ (not that he is going to read this but might as well play a safe game).’Wet Blanket’ broke my heart once or twice, doesn’t get any of my “witty” jokes, forgot my birthday, and smokes.  He didn’t go to college, is a dignified womanizer and cusses like a sailor. Looks like I ropped in a keeper folks.

Anyway, time for the point at hand. I’ve more than once been rude to my mother. And Wet Blanket? I’ve always tried to charm his pants off. I would never be rude to him.  Is it because I know my mom is going to love me unconditionally? And if I bad-mouth ‘Wet Blanket’ I don’t know if he’s still going to keep me around anymore? Is it because I’m more comfortable around my Mom? And I feel shy and don’t know ‘Wet Blanket’ as well as I know my Mom?  Is it because I spend so much time with my mom and I loose track of how I should be treating her? Regardless, the behavior is ridiculous. How could I treat a low-life boy better than my own mother, whom I love to the moon and back? She is part of my family, she is the one I love the most and ‘Wet Blanket’ hasn’t done anything for me except blow cigarette smoke in my face.

Frankly, it disgusts me.  From now on, I vow to treat my mother like I treat ‘Wet Blanket.’  I won’t yell, I’ll always say thank you and I’ll never loose my patience.  She deserves to be treated as more than a woman whom is going to love me no matter what.  I should treat her like she’d leave me without gas and alone in my Ford Escort. Because you never know what’s going to happen.  And for a woman I love and cherish so much, she deserves the best treatment.

As for ‘Wet Blanket’ – he better be ready for some comfortable and authentic disrespect.

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Author:bechaffee

University of Saint Thomas graduate. Minnesota-bred and happy to talk about the weather any time you’d like! Strongly believes any situation can be bettered by a slice of generously buttered toast or Phil Dunphy. Would get arrested to touch Justin Timberlake’s face. Always trying to be a better person by not wishing horrible karma on people driving slow in the fast lane. Hear more: @twitter @instagram

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2 Comments on “I Vow to Treat My Mama Like I Treat ‘Wet Blanket’”

  1. Kate
    June 9, 2010 at 3:53 pm #

    I whole-heartly, 100% love this post! I never really thought about this before, but it’s so true. I do the exact same thing! Why do we treat those guys with so much respect when we get nothing even close to it back? Seriously, awesome post! Plus, it’s keeping me busy while you are adoring your time on the tour… 🙂

    • June 10, 2010 at 3:47 am #

      Kate – Thank you! I will keep writing them for long and cold afternoons in the press box just for you!

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