Extremely Picky or Afraid of Intimacy?

HeartsIn a realm of where I like to over-analyze my dating tactics, I came  up with a new dilemma: Do we choose to not be in a relationship, or is there an underlying factor disrupting our ability to be intimate?  I haven’t been in a relationship for a while, and I was trying to figure out what was stopping me from diving into something I might really like.

I usually used the excuse, “oh, I haven’t found anybody I really like yet…I haven’t met the right dude..” I’ve heard these many times before.  In fact, it’s my favorite excuse as to why I’m not really with anyone right now.  It’s an honest excuse, according to me; I really haven’t met anyone that’s worth it to date. My philosophy has always been to never waste time on something that is only going to teach you that you really hate when guys wear white tennis shoes.

But, like any problem, is there more to this than what meets my eye into seeing what the problem is with my dating life?  Like an onion, I peal back the layers that are what I believe to be my preferences in men and dating.  But is the real issue more than that?  Am I afraid of intimacy and I’m covering it up with the argument, “I’m just really picky?”

It’s a weird thing to think about because immediately, I feel I am not afraid of intimacy.  I love spooning anytime before 8 A.M. and like the feeling I get in my chest when I hold someone’s hand.  How can I possibly be afraid of a little intimate loving?  I’ve always believed when I find “the right guy” intimacy will never be the issue.

I mean, I know deep down, I cannot be intimate with just anybody.  But that goes for everybody.  Yes, I’m afraid to be intimate with the creep staring at me from across the bar – but that’s common sense.  And why does “being afraid of intimacy” have to be an excuse for “not settling?”  Can’t a girl find someone she likes and be a little picky and choosy about it?

Settling (or not settling) is such a double edged sword.  A woman isn’t dating someone because she has “rose the bar” and it’s immediately assumed she’s afraid of intimacy.  How is that at all fair?

However, since I’m trying to step out of the box and play devil’s advocate, I’m trying to understand this from both ends.  And I’m beginning to freak myself out.  So let’s hear it from you; Can you be extremely picky, or does taking a while to find the right man have it’s consequences?

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Author:bechaffee

University of Saint Thomas graduate. Minnesota-bred and happy to talk about the weather any time you’d like! Strongly believes any situation can be bettered by a slice of generously buttered toast or Phil Dunphy. Would get arrested to touch Justin Timberlake’s face. Always trying to be a better person by not wishing horrible karma on people driving slow in the fast lane. Hear more: @twitter @instagram

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