Red Carpet Does Not Equal Real Life

The AMA’s have come and gone, which means the hottest of the hottest strut their bad selves down the Red Carpet to talk to E! and look damn fine doin’ it.

Honestly, award show red carpets are my heaven. I tune in just to see what everyone’s wearing, then tune out before the actual award show even starts. I just get so inspired by what I see on my favorite celebs and can’t wait to get a little bit of that beauty for myself. Before I know it, I’m sitting in my salon as my hair stylist is cutting me a fresh set of bangs.

And then reality sets in and I realize that red carpet styles rarely survive in real life settings. Yep, there is a reason a red carpet is not rolled out for me on my way to my Communication Studies class.

Bangs:

Red Carpet
: They are cute, chic, and, like a magical power, turn every celebrity into an edgy and sassy beauty queen. Sure, the last time I had bangs was in my 3rd grade school picture (when my mom splurged to get me the laser background!), but they’re back and fabulous, so how can I resist?

Real Life: OK, bangs look great for a few hours on a red carpet, but not so much after a shower or a date with the treadmill. You have pretty much 3 minutes post-shower to get those little guys in place before you’ve got yourself a one-way-ticket to Wavy Town. And forget about rockin’ the fringe at the club.  A little perspiration and – boom – you look like that weird kid who never showered that sat in the back of your classroom sniffing White-out in high school. Soon you’re scouring the aisles at Target for cute clips and headbands to get those things out of your face.

Rompers

Red Carpet: They look so sporty and stylish on those young celebs with their perfect legs and sky-high heels.  And they are so versatile! The young and fabulous work them on the red carpet, the beach, and grocery shopping.  There’s nothing I like more than mixing it up.

Real Life: Have you ever tried wearing a romper to the bathroom? It’s like a bad party you didn’t want to be invited to. Do you mean I really have to take next to the entire outfit off to take a leak? And it’s not much better in the outside world, either. A one-piece shorts ensemble is not cute when your thighs rub together and start pushing those puppies up to your happy place. No thank you.

Strapless

Red Carpet: The strapless gown is a Hollywood classic. Celebs look elegant, sexy and chic walking the carpet in a sweetheart neckline, which also happens to be the perfect canvass for that blinging diamond jewelry.

Real Life: Yeah, everyone looks stunning in strapless…. but its hard to feel that way when you spend half your night tugging at the top to avoid a serious wardrobe malfunction. Then you pull it too high so you yank at the bottom. Then it starts to fall and you grab at the top. Then the bottom. Then the top. Then you start feeling the pinch of that awful strapless bra you’ve got on underneath. It’s not pretty. At all.

Super High Heels

Red Carpet: The red carpet dresses may be gorge, but it’s the shoes that always make the outfit. The taller the better when it comes to the carpet; there is just something so much more fabulous about a woman in a tall pair of heels. I drool over the red bottoms, how long and lean they make everyone’s legs look, the embellishments on the front…. Sigh. I could just do a little dance.

Real Life: But don’t try doing the little dance while actually wearing them. These things are lethal for walking purposes, and your feet haven’t hurt this bad since the day your mom strapped them in a pair of jelly shoes that were far too tight. Seriously, I bet those Hollywood A-Listers kick those $1000 bastards off their feet as soon as they hit their seats…then subconsciously pray they don’t win so they don’t have to put them back on.

Thigh High Boots

Red Carpet: Who doesn’t love how hot Kim Kardashian looks in a pair of over-the-knee boots? She’s like a sexy, real life Cat Woman. Meow.

Real Life: Obviously, Cat Woman didn’t need to worry about pairing those hot leather boots with jeans. Us real ladies can barely shove our jeans into those things without getting all bunchy and gross,  and if you finally succeed, they are always a slouchy disappointment.

Everyone wants a little Hollywood glamor in their own lives, but maybe it’s time we all take what we see on the red carpet with a grain of salt. Or find ourselves a way to afford a team of stylists to keep everything in place and designer goods made just for our bodies.

This post was derived from my archives at College Candy.

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Author:bechaffee

University of Saint Thomas graduate. Minnesota-bred and happy to talk about the weather any time you’d like! Strongly believes any situation can be bettered by a slice of generously buttered toast or Phil Dunphy. Would get arrested to touch Justin Timberlake’s face. Always trying to be a better person by not wishing horrible karma on people driving slow in the fast lane. Hear more: @twitter @instagram

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