Life as a Post-Grad: A Mid-Life Crisis at Twenty-Three

Can I buy all these?

I’m having a pre-mid-life crisis.

And I can’t even buy a red Corvette and put the top down and drive to my Beverly Hills condo in complete dismay.  I can’t go to a nice cocktail bar and cheat on my fat, hairy husband.  I can’t even obtain a sugar daddy to buy me a bangin’ new set of tits. All I can do is attack my Netflix, fall back on an old high school flame, and stare at my empty PayPal account.

Twenty-somethings are not supposed to feel the way I do.

I feel like I’m at an AA group to talk about my feelings, but here it is, as honest as I can be.  I graduated a decade nine months ago.  In Hollywood years, that’s about five.  I could have popped out a set of twins with Charlie Sheen by now, or at least put myself on Teen Mom and physically abused my crack head baby daddy.

But, no.  In the past nine months of post-grad life, I’ve had five internships, lots of hot dogs (the only thing I can afford/enjoy at the same time) and many tweaked out conversations with my mother (i.e. “AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING WITH MY LIFE!??).

While I search for a glamorous job, a spicy love life, and a easy breezy life on my own, I’m constantly motorboated by reality.  And I’m suffocating.  Although I know everyone my age is rowing the same (sinking) boat, I feel like I’m completely alone.  This is the most melodramatic I’ve been in my entire life.  I don’t even remember being this ridiculous when I got my period for the first time.

After I graduated, I lived at my parents’ house for six months.  Like I said, six months in Hollywood I could have made a sex tape or texted Brett Favre. But no, six months at home while I finished my fourth internship and perfected a lagging four months of unemployment made me feel as useless as a submarine with screen portholes.

In a triumphant attempt to get another job, I landed myself another internship in January.  For being a double major graduate from a prestigious private school (that I’ll be paying for until I’m as old as Betty White) I expected a little more out of my future. Now I’m just praying for something. Anything.

I decided that while I wasn’t making my dreams come true, the least I could do was get a change of scenery so I moved out of my parents and in with some friends. And so my mid-life crisis began.  After living away from home for a month I’ve never felt so over-worked, under-appreciated and tired in my life. I’ve become addicted to high end fashion blogs and I can’t afford anything.  I want to write my own book someday, but the time and money required to do so just don’t exist.  While I don’t have time to stress out about my future, I find stress in weird and frequent circumstances. I cried when they didn’t have the hot dog buns I like at the grocery store last week.

Regardless, I’m excited to share this journey with all of the lovely CollegeCandy readers. Mostly because while I feel inhuman this way, I know I’m not the only one.  It’s easy to feel undefined, confused and incompetent at this age.  But I know I’m not alone.  While I understand the post-grad life is just a frustrating phase, I can live with knowing it’s a flexible one.  And as stubborn as I may be, I refuse to not take a lesson away from all of it.

As I navigate my life after college, I have the power to define who I am without any help from anyone else.  That alone, beats one day in Hollywood.

Cheers to being a post grad, and here’s to the journey.

This article was derived from my author archives at


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Categories: Life & Happiness


University of Saint Thomas graduate. Minnesota-bred and happy to talk about the weather any time you’d like! Strongly believes any situation can be bettered by a slice of generously buttered toast or Phil Dunphy. Would get arrested to touch Justin Timberlake’s face. Always trying to be a better person by not wishing horrible karma on people driving slow in the fast lane. Hear more: @twitter @instagram


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