Two T Words, One Giant Pickle. Types or Timing?

Relationship water paint

On my way back from vacation, I was daydreaming nonchalantly about the grab bag of items in my mind.  Lately, since my maturity levels have been SKY ROCKETING, they have been about money I will have left to spend every month on Etsy, how and when I can get to Trader Joe’s to buy sandwich sliced pickles, and what to type into YouTube if I want to find the ‘sit on my head’ song.

Expanding a little further….I started daydreaming about my current crush. That I like to define as more of a car crash.  Because I like to think I can deal with a crush.  But most of the time, this boy doesn’t even make me want to deal.  It’s hard to deal. On most accounts, he makes me more boy crazy then I was when JTT perfected that wispy hair flip on Home Improvement.

I have such a big ‘car crash’ crush, I do anything in my power to insert him in my mind all day, every day.  He could kick a tender, infant puppy across a room and into a steel wall and I would probably find a way to still love him for it.  It’s completely against my will, because I really love puppies – especially when they look like little chunks of dough with mint-sized glazed over eye slits with mini marbles as eyes.

By far, this boy has been one of my biggest car crashes.  He’s made me feel the happiest, the angriest, that saddest and the most confused I’ve ever felt.  Everything about him is extremely heightened, and it’s as disgusting as an accidently inhaled Strawberry swisher.  But then, I got to thinking.

He’s totally not my type.  I won’t begin to give you a list of what my type entails, but I will have you know – he’s not it.

At all.

What does this mean?  Does this mean my so called “type” all along has been completely fooling me?  Have I been lying to myself all along?  Or is my type like my taste buds, and it just changes what it prefers over time…?  Because I’ve liked guys under what has been filed under ‘my type’ before but not nearly as much as my car crash.

Therefore, Do we ever have types?  Or are they just mere reflections of family, how we’ve been brought up, or weird Hollywood preferences?  Or is liking someone about something else entirely?  Something else I like to call….timing.  Because sometimes, what you want in a guy is what you never wanted…what does this mean?  Timing comes in now because maybe what we “want” changes over time.  Our standards for our counterpart can morph into different preferences time after time.  That doesn’t mean, however, that once these preferences change – that they change for good.  I think they have the ability to fall back into something you wanted before in a man/woman.

I think relationships can kind of be like water paintings.  The outcome of the picture depends on the timing of when the water paint hits the fabric.  Who knows which way the paint will bleed?  What colors will appear?  If you will like it?  It’s AMAZING to me remain to unaware about how I’m going to take one relationship from the next, all depending on my place in my OWN life.  Although it feels like we have no control over timing – we do. We have so much control about where we see ourselves, find ourselves, feel ourselves – all in one moment.

But what stumps me most is the unawareness of it all.  I was completely unaware a guy like car crash could transform my feelings to that caliber.  Why was I unaware?  Why couldn’t I have been more prepared?  How could something with those many feelings be so carelessly ignored?

That just goes to say we can’t judge a book by it’s cover.  Maybe there were qualities I hadn’t even discovered and I’d come to enjoy in car crash.  And now, I understand that I want those qualities.  And most importantly, I understand that it will fulfill me with cotton candy when I receive them and empty me out like a seedless pumpkin when I lose them.  But I can learn from every single feeling – even if they’re taken away.

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University of Saint Thomas graduate. Minnesota-bred and happy to talk about the weather any time you’d like! Strongly believes any situation can be bettered by a slice of generously buttered toast or Phil Dunphy. Would get arrested to touch Justin Timberlake’s face. Always trying to be a better person by not wishing horrible karma on people driving slow in the fast lane. Hear more: @twitter @instagram


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