5 Things That Happen When It Gets Chilly Buns In Minnesota

When you are born in Minnesota, three things happen. One, you are genetically programmed to hate the Green Bay Packers. If you’re one of those people who like the Packers and you were born in Minnesota–you’re an inhumane crazy idiot. Two, you will forever chase your friends down the street whenever they leave your home to make sure they hear you say goodbye. And three, you will ALWAYS talk about the weather in any given awkward/totally normal moment possible.

I was born in Edina, Minnesota (in case you were dying to know) and I hate Aaron Rodgers for no reason whatsoever. I get super creepy and buckle my friends into their car when I say goodbye. Finally, I love talking about the weather. Man, that’s painful for me to admit. . .actually it almost seems like a shot to my character. I promise I have depth.

That is, as soon as I finish this post. I’ve been noticing a few things that start happening in Minnesota when residents step out into the cold for the first time. Three cheers for weather and random human observations–they can be pretty amusing.

1. Girls Wear UGGS in inappropriate public places 

Alright, I get it every-single-man-in-the-world. . .UGGS are ugly. They make girls look like those little fury animals in Star Wars that live in caves. FINE. But they’re warm. They’re incredibly easy to put on. And they fit fabulously with some leggings shoved inside them (hello, no sneaky cold air). That’s why fall is the ideal season for these fugly booties to pop up everywhere. Even if it’s in random places like; 5 star restaurants, on the treadmill, or with a sun-dress.  How are lazy girls suppose to stay warm, people!?

2. The Vikings heartbreak epidemic

This happens every fall season. Everyone in Minnesota is super excited about Adrian Peterson and his beefy HUGE thighs, the new rookie quarter back and the color purple. For some odd reason, everyone lifts up their nose and smells miracle Super Bowl in their mythical future. But like a roller coaster of heartache the Vikings smash everyones hopeful little barbarian hearts. Every Sunday, Facebook blows up with coach switch up complaints, silenced SKOLs and a “better luck next year” solemn status whimper.

3. The “it’s cold out” excuse is alive and well

Excuses are like armpits . . they generally smell awful and look funny. But the “nah, it’s cold out” excuse is honestly the most legit excuse in the book. Especially since Minnesota is cold 99% of the time anyway. Turning the channel? Working out? Changing your sweatpants before going into Target? Wearing heels? Leaving the house once a week? Leaving the couch once in a blue moon? Meh, maybe next time. For now, it’s cold out.

4. Weird amounts of time spent watching fall TV

Does anyone even leave the house from 5 p.m.-7 a.m. the following day for work? I think not. I call this the “winter pre-hibernation period.” In fact, television networks do the honors for this brilliant decision. All of those new shows are so gosh-darn addicting, I’m actually using the phrase ‘gosh-darn’ now (aka, I haven’t left the house for days). The next time you see any of your friends is May, when things are blooming and the air is fresh. “OMG, I haven’t seen you in like, 10 months! You look great!”

5. Christmas get-up. . .everywhere

SERIOUSLY. EVERYWHERE. The minute temps hit 40 degrees, businesses everywhere vomit tinsel and mistletoes (which I’m fine with, because along with Justin Bieber–that’s one of my favorite things). Oh man, I’m biting my tongue. That sounded way more pervy and pedophilish than I’d planned. Anyway, I’ll make my point. We can barely make it into November until my fingers are shaking to whip out my Michael Buble Christmas CD. Christmas gift rap is drawing me into the red and green aisles in Target. I can smell sharp pine and peppermint everywhere. And mall Santa’s creep me out whenever I sneak into Charlotte Russe.

Ugh, bring on the colder weather. I’m freakishly obsessed with UGG boots, Adrian Peterson, excuses, fall TV and Christmas anyway–so this is a relief to me.

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Author:bechaffee

University of Saint Thomas graduate. Minnesota-bred and happy to talk about the weather any time you’d like! Strongly believes any situation can be bettered by a slice of generously buttered toast or Phil Dunphy. Would get arrested to touch Justin Timberlake’s face. Always trying to be a better person by not wishing horrible karma on people driving slow in the fast lane. Hear more: @twitter @instagram

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4 Comments on “5 Things That Happen When It Gets Chilly Buns In Minnesota”

  1. December 16, 2011 at 8:07 pm #

    Hilarious and accurate.

    Another Minnesota girl,

    Kate

    • February 7, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

      Thank you 🙂 I love the support from the Minnesota ladies

  2. January 18, 2012 at 5:21 pm #

    We should all co-create a MN Chick blog…I swear we are the only normal ones left..

    Love your writing!

    • February 7, 2012 at 2:24 pm #

      Thank you! And I agree…we would make the sauciest MN Chick Blog for sure!

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